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By Christine Murray
Have you ever been in a season in your life where you felt stuck, restless, in need of a major change, or some combination of all of the above? I know I have! I confess I've had times when I've texted a group of friends and said, "Is it normal to feel restless at this stage of life?" And I've spent my fair share of time Googling in search of answers to questions like, "What to do when you feel stuck?" or "How do you know when it's time to make a change?" Having grappled with those questions myself, I know how confusing, frustrating, and challenging these restless seasons can be. These are often times when you start to feel like you’re not exactly where you want to be in life, or some part of your life isn't going very well—whether it's a job, a relationship, or just trying to sort through a new change in life—but you're not exactly sure where to go. Because I know how uncomfortable, and yet also common, restless seasons are, today’s blog post focuses on some signs that you might be itching for a change in some aspect of your life, and then what you can do about it when those feelings come up. Oftentimes, these feelings can be opportunities to seek support, guidance, and an empathetic, compassionate presence to help you sort through these feelings and experiences. As a mental health professional, I know that working with a professional counselor or therapist can be very helpful during these times. And, if you start to feel really distressed about your feelings and experiences, just know that there are crisis resources available. You can visit our Other Resources page to find resources that might be helpful to you as you navigate feelings of being stuck. Signs You Might Be Ready for Change Intuition and Gut Feelings: Sometimes, we just know. We may have an inner sense of knowing, an intuitive hunch, or just a gut feeling that something needs to change. It's normal to recognize on some level that we need change, but not know exactly what that change should be or if we're ready to make it for any number of reasons, such as financial resources or lack of clarity about what the change might look like. Exhausted All Options: Another sign can be that we’ve tried everything (or at least lots and lots of possible solutions), and nothing is helping us feel better about our current situation. For example, if you’re feeling stuck in your current job, maybe you've tried diving deep into new projects, connecting with different colleagues, seeking a promotion, or talking with your boss about changes. If every little change or tweak you've tried hasn’t worked out, it might be a sign that your current circumstances simply aren’t working for you anymore. Lack of Growth: You may have stopped feeling like you're growing in your current situation. Maybe you’ve stopped learning, experiencing new things, or having new opportunities where you are now. Feeling like we're not growing anymore might be a sign that we're ready for a change. Persistent Themes: You start to notice themes in daydreams or other ideas about what life might look like for you if your life was different. Perhaps you're feeling stuck living in your current city, and you start to find yourself getting excited about living somewhere else. You might find yourself looking up apartments or properties in another city, exploring things to do there, or even planning a visit. It’s natural to be curious about different ways of life, but if you find yourself coming around to the same theme or interests frequently, especially when combined with other feelings of restlessness, this might be a sign you’re being pulled in a new direction in life. Steps to Take When Feeling Restless Sit with Your Feelings: Know that it's normal in life to have seasons of restlessness and even feeling stuck. Almost everyone has these feelings from time to time. Try to process these emotions without reacting immediately. You don’t have to make any sudden moves, and remind yourself that these are normal feelings that can come up throughout life. Follow Your Attractions and Energy: Seek low-risk ways of exploring possible changes that pique your curiosity. For example, if you find yourself interested in starting a new business after working in a corporation for a long time, explore those interests in small, interesting ways, such as by listening to entrepreneurial podcasts or checking out small business books from your local library. Permit yourself to explore things that are pulling you and attracting you. Focus on moving toward a vision that is positive and exciting, rather than just moving away from something negative. Seek Support and Guidance: You don't have to make changes and decisions alone. Ask trusted family members or friends for advice, seek information, and consider working with a counselor or coach. It can be extremely helpful to seek guidance from someone who has either been through similar changes or who has professional training to help people navigate these experiences. Move at Your Own Pace: Everyone’s different. Some people are quick to make decisions and move into new changes, whereas for others, it might take years of exploring. Remind yourself that you can go at your own pace. You don’t have to rush into any decisions or make changes before you're ready and feel confident about them. Often, decisions that are well-planned, fully explored, and navigated thoughtfully are much more likely to stick. Conclusion While times of feeling stuck or restless can be extremely frustrating and stressful, try to reframe them as a call or an invitation to explore the possibilities of your life. These feelings can help you move forward. Take time to explore and honor your feelings, see what they’re trying to tell you, and see what changes they might be leading you toward. Even when they can be uncomfortable, know that seasons of feeling stuck or restless might be helping you to grow, change, and move closer to living the fullest version of your life possible.
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 By Christine Murray A few months ago, I stumbled across these flowers poking through the cracks in a large parking lot. I've always loved seeing flowers bloom in hard places. For me, it's a powerful reminder that even amidst tough situations, we can usually find cracks in the surface of our challenges. These cracks become places where we can grow, find positivity, and move toward a brighter picture than we might see at first glance. When I see a flower growing in the pavement or some other hard place, I pause and think about everything that had to happen for that flower to bloom. First, there had to be at least a tiny amount of soil hidden within that crack. Then, a seed had to somehow land right in the middle of the crack and have enough sunshine and water to grow. This reminds me that in the middle of difficult circumstances, growth doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and a lot of different factors coming together to make growth possible. While wildflowers growing in the cracks of a parking lot might seem like a happy accident, when we find ourselves in hard times, we can look to these resilient flowers for inspiration. These flowers help us see the potential for creating something beautiful and positive, even in the middle of our hardest times. They remind us that we can look for symbolic cracks in the pavement—possible openings for us even when surrounded by tough circumstances. Life can be complicated and challenging. I’ve been through my fair share of challenges, and it's not easy to go through difficult times. Sometimes we wish we could wave a magic wand and make our problems disappear. While we can take steps to cope, practice self-care, and navigate our emotions, sometimes positive changes just take time, and we might feel stuck in all sorts of challenging circumstances. We might face financial challenges, stress at work, relationship and family problems, a sense of loneliness, or a lack of clarity about our purpose. It's natural to feel overwhelmed when it seems like hard times are all around. Keeping flowers that grow in the pavement in mind can inspire and motivate us to keep looking for and embracing the positive “cracks” in our situation—places where we can grow and bloom, even in difficult times. Here are a few ways to search for and take advantage of the cracks in the pavements of life:
If you’re blooming amidst difficult circumstances or working to create conditions for growth, look for opportunities to appreciate your growth, be patient with the process, and celebrate your progress along the journey. By Christine Murray Earlier this summer, during one of my usual walks, a beautiful flowering tree along my path caught my eye. Its blossoms were an eye-catching white-cream color, and I stopped to take a picture so I could continue to admire its beauty even when I wasn’t out walking.  A few weeks later, on the same route, I was surprised to see a big change in the plant I had admired. The flowers, initially a lovely white, had developed beautiful pink tones. The combination of pink and white added to its beauty, prompting me to stop and take another picture.  I was so surprised by how dramatically the colors had changed and how long it took for this transformation to happen. While I’m no horticulturist, I love flowers and often admire them on my walks. In my experience, it’s rare to see such a dramatic change in a flower’s color over time. Typically, a pink flower stays pink, a red one stays red, a yellow one stays yellow, and so on.
The unique transformation of these flowers from white to pink gave me pause. It reminded me that sometimes in life, it takes time for the full picture, the full details, and the full colorful image of our experiences to come into focus. If you’ve lived long enough, you probably remember the days when we used to take pictures with film cameras. You had to take the film to be developed at a photo shop or, if you were a photographer, develop it in a studio. In this digital age, it’s easy to forget how the development process of pictures used to take time because now we’re so accustomed to seeing digital images almost instantaneously. The film development process is a reminder that sometimes things take time to develop, and we can't always have the instantaneous answers, information, or details we desire. This concept holds significant relevance for us as we approach changing seasons, work toward different goals, or make big life changes. We might start with a vague sense of what we’re looking at, but as we lean into these changes or goals, new details emerge that help us make more sense of our circumstances. Once we see the full picture and all the details, we have more answers and information that help us truly appreciate our experiences. For example, now that I know these beautiful flowers eventually transition from white to pink, I can look forward to this transformation whenever I see the same type of flowers in future years. I’ll appreciate them more next time because I was able to witness their full development. If you’re in a season of making changes, it can be frustrating because we often want to see the full picture from the beginning. However, there’s value in appreciating the time it takes for things to develop and the opportunity to see the process unfold. Nature and film-based photos provide powerful reminders of the importance of patience, appreciation, and taking time to notice the beauty in our experiences. As you pursue or implement new changes or goals in your life, embrace the opportunity to learn and discover more as time progresses. Remember how much can be gained through the journey of embracing the process rather than rushing to the end goal. By Christine Murray
We all face waiting seasons at times—periods when we feel stuck and frustrated because we're waiting for something to happen in our life, at work, or in a relationship. Until we have the thing or the answer or the information that we're waiting for, we feel held back from being able to move forward. Waiting seasons can come in many different forms. They might be short or long. We could be waiting for something significant or something more minor and inconsequential but still necessary before we can move forward. Sometimes we're waiting on something tangible, like a new job or a set amount of financial resources. Other times, we're waiting on things that are much more intangible, like clarity about a decision or a feeling of greater purpose in our lives or work. We might be waiting on something related to our jobs, relationships, family, financial status, a test result, a medical report, or an upcoming opportunity. Regardless of what we're waiting for, these times can feel very frustrating. It can feel like we're held back from moving forward until we have what we've been waiting for. While waiting seasons can be challenging and often feel out of our control, there are things we can do to navigate these times in healthy, positive, and constructive ways. Here are a few strategies that I have found helpful: 1. Rest During Waiting Seasons Waiting seasons often provide a wonderful opportunity to rest. When it arrives, the thing, answer, or information we're waiting for might require a lot of our time, energy, and attention. Embracing the waiting season as an opportunity to rest can provide us with time to build up our energy and resources. While we may be excited or anticipating what is to come, resting can help us prepare for a potentially busy period ahead. Take advantage of the waiting season to slow down your pace. Enjoy naps, leisurely walks, and try to get extra sleep. Rest is essential even during busy seasons, but a waiting season offers a unique chance to focus on it more deeply. Think of rest during a waiting season like an animal hibernating during winter, resting deeply to be ready for the more active seasons to come. 2. Find Meaning in the Wait If you find it helpful, try to find meaning and purpose in the waiting period. This doesn't mean overriding the frustration you might feel, but sometimes waiting seasons are opportunities for growth, preparation, and building patience. Your own sense of meaning in the waiting season might tap into your value system, beliefs, or spiritual viewpoints. Consider whether there might be some meaning that you can unearth during the waiting season. If not, that's okay—waiting doesn't always lead to existential enlightenment. But trying to find meaning in our experiences, whether good, bad, or in-between, can be beneficial. 3. Do What You Can While it's important to rest, it can also be helpful to stay busy in meaningful ways. Consider if there are things you can do and steps you can take while waiting that will position you for what might come. Depending on your circumstances, you could develop potential plans for different possible scenarios. For example, if you're waiting for a job, think about the steps you would need to take if you get the job and what you might do if it isn't the right fit. 4. Build Skills and Resources During waiting seasons, we can focus on building skills and resources that might help you regardless of what happens. This could involve personal growth, skill development, or gaining new healthy habits. For example, a waiting season might bring an opportunity to work on communication skills or financial literacy. These underlying tools and resources can be valuable in any situation, helping you feel more prepared and capable for whatever lies ahead. 5. Embrace Hobbies and Interests Sometimes, we just need to pass the waiting time with as many enjoyable activities as possible. Embrace hobbies or interests that you might have less time for once the waiting period ends. Distractions like binging a favorite TV show, picking up a hobby, or spending time with friends can help you enjoy your time while also navigating the frustrations of waiting. 6. Process Your Feelings As a mental health professional, I believe strongly in the importance of welcoming and processing all our feelings. Waiting can be very uncomfortable and frustrating. It’s essential to process these feelings rather than pretend they're not there or meet them with toxic positivity. Emotional processing tools such as writing out your feelings, talking with a counselor, or keeping a mood journal can be extremely valuable. And remember to reach out for help if you find yourself in distress, such as by contacting the 988 Lifeline. 7. Connect with Others Finally, another important step during waiting seasons is to connect with others. This might mean enjoying your relationships and leaning on your support systems, such as friends and family. It might also involve reaching out to a counselor or other professional support. Finding people who have gone through similar waiting seasons can be particularly helpful, as they can share how they navigated similar experiences. Conclusion Waiting seasons are indeed challenging and frustrating. They are not easy and can bring up a lot of emotions and a sense of being unable to move forward. Take good care of yourself during these times. Focus on the aspects of the season that you can control, while also processing the feelings that come up around the parts that are out of your influence. Remember that life will likely involve a series of waiting seasons. Try to see these waiting seasons not as wasted time but as opportunities for growth, learning, and rest. Even when they can be frustrating, waiting seasons often bring chances for us to prepare, grow, and rejuvenate. |
AuthorThis blog is written by Christine E. Murray, Ph.D., Founder of Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC. Archives
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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material found at this web-site without express and written permission from this site’s owner is strictly prohibited. Unless or until a counselor/client relationship is established in writing, please note that the website for Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, is not a resource for providing personalized advice or guidance for any individual or organization, either through this website or any associated communication challenges that include but are not limited to social media, emails, or direct messages. Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, also is not a crisis response resource. Please visit our Other Resource page for additional information, including 24/7 support resources related to domestic violence and mental health.
Logo design: Eva Vienna Creative
Brand photography: Toni Walker Photography
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material found at this web-site without express and written permission from this site’s owner is strictly prohibited. Unless or until a counselor/client relationship is established in writing, please note that the website for Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, is not a resource for providing personalized advice or guidance for any individual or organization, either through this website or any associated communication challenges that include but are not limited to social media, emails, or direct messages. Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, also is not a crisis response resource. Please visit our Other Resource page for additional information, including 24/7 support resources related to domestic violence and mental health.