By Christine Murray
As late September arrives and the air begins to cool, it's a clear signal that the seasons are changing. A change in seasons is a perfect metaphor for many changes we experience in our personal and professional lives. Just as we prepare for the fall by swapping out our summer clothes for warmer ones, life’s transitions are opportunities for preparation, adjustments, and embracing change. I've always been fascinated by the changing seasons. Growing up in Pittsburgh, I experienced dramatic shifts between winter, spring, summer, and fall. As I’ve grown older, I've come to appreciate the beauty and lessons that each season brings, particularly during times of transition. One key lesson from the changing seasons is that they can be both unpredictable and predictable. Living in North Carolina, we often hear jokes about our many "seasons" within a single week due to the erratic weather. These unpredictable shifts remind us that change is often unexpected. In a recent example from my own life during my recent career transition, much like the unpredictable weather, I faced uncertainties and challenges. Yet, I found comfort in the predictable aspects of the transition, knowing that with careful planning and preparation, I could navigate the change successfully. Just as we prepare for colder temperatures by checking our heating systems and swapping out clothes, we can also prepare for life’s transitions. Another important lesson from the seasons is that change is essential for growth. It's tempting to hold onto comfortable seasons, but as the saying goes, "the only constant in life is change." Embracing change keeps life interesting and can lead us to personal and professional growth. When I used to live in Florida during graduate school, I enjoyed the sunny days, but I missed the change of seasons a lot. Changing seasons help to mark the passage of time and encourage us to reflect and evolve. Reflection is a powerful tool when we’re transitioning between seasons. Just like the first cool morning after a long, hot summer, the signals we get during changing seasons serve as a reminder to approach new seasons with reflection and a beginner's mind, seeing new opportunities with fresh eyes. Finally, the changing seasons teach us that they don't erase what came before. The lessons and memories from past seasons remain with us and help to shape our future. During my recent career change, I carried forward the gratitude and lessons from that chapter of my life. This gratitude helped me navigate the change and embrace the new season with positivity and an open mind. As you face life’s transitions, I encourage you to embrace the changing seasons that come your way. Prepare for the unpredictable, plan for the predictable, reflect on your experiences, and carry forward the gratitude and lessons from your past. By doing so, you can navigate life's changes with grace and confidence, ready to embrace the new opportunities that lie ahead. Remember, just as the seasons change, so too do the chapters of our lives. Embrace each season with an open heart and a beginner's mind, and you'll find that change can be a beautiful and transformative experience.
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By Christine Murray Over the summer, I had the opportunity to travel with my older son on a cruise to the Norwegian fjords. It was an incredible time with him, and I was constantly in awe of the beautiful scenery, both from land and sea. I had some sense of how beautiful this part of the world might be because I had been following the Visit Norway Instagram page since we planned our trip. Leading up to the trip, I couldn't wait to see such amazing landscapes with my own eyes. Even though I anticipated the beauty that I would see, the reality was even more than I envisioned it would be. While we were in Norway, there were moments that literally took my breath away because of just how beautiful it was. Below are a couple of pictures so you can see a glimpse of what we saw: As a working mom, life is pretty busy. I’m certain that I often miss far too many moments of awe and wonder in my day-to-day life. The experience of seeing the awe-inspiring views of the fjords in Norway was a powerful reminder of how important the emotions of awe and wonder are as part of our overall mental and emotional health.
I believe that awe and wonder can contribute to our emotional and mental health in many ways. For one, they help to expand our horizons. Being in a moment of awe and wonder often means being fully present and experiencing life as it is. Additionally, awe and wonder can foster a sense of gratitude and appreciation, which are known to improve quality of life and emotional well-being. Awe and wonder also are part of the full range of human emotions that we can experience in life, and part of emotional health involves understanding and experiencing all the many layers of emotional responses available to us. Reflecting on my experiences traveling to the Norwegian fjords was a powerful reminder of the importance of making space and being intentional about seeking out awe and wonder in our lives. While it's one thing to experience awe and wonder during significant life events like a big trip, we can also find these emotions in our day-to-day lives. For example, we might feel awe and wonder when we think about things like a beautiful relationship in our life, some of the big and small blessings in our lives, and even how far we've come in life and the opportunities ahead. Unfortunately, many barriers can prevent us from experiencing awe and wonder in both big and small ways. Here are a few common barriers:
I invite you to seek out moments of awe and wonder throughout the coming week. For example, reflect on accomplishments you’re proud of, other things you're grateful for, and even complex processes of life that we normally don’t even pay attention to, like breathing or the beating of your heart. If possible, you might even take this challenge even further by placing yourself in an environment or situation that’s filled with natural beauty, such as hiking to a mountain top, visiting a beautiful flower garden, or cooking a delicious meal. If you're up for this challenge, consider keeping a list of awe-inspiring moments you encounter throughout the week ahead (and perhaps even beyond). In the comment below, I’d love to hear your feedback about a recent moment that inspired awe in your life, as well as your thoughts on how awe and wonder contribute to our mental and emotional health. By Christine Murray
In today’s all-too-busy and stressful world, the importance of practicing self-care is widely recognized. Most of us have learned much about burnout and its impact on our work, personal lives, and relationships. While basic self-care strategies, like making time for rest and relaxation, are often enough to recharge, there are times when our usual self-care strategies fall short. Sometimes, we find ourselves beyond normal levels of burnout, deeply exhausted, and in survival mode. Periods of major changes and transitions can contribute to this extreme level of burnout. Often, people enter new life chapters because they recognize that certain aspects of their past season were unhealthy or unsustainable, and these burdens might carry over into the new chapter. Major life changes also can bring added stressors, decision fatigue, and an overall feeling of being overwhelmed. If you find yourself in this deep state of exhaustion, there are steps you can take to address it, get to the root cause, and set up systems to avoid reaching this level of distress in the future. Here are a few approaches that might be helpful. Keep in mind that everyone is different, so it's important to experiment and see what works best for you. 1. Seek Professional Health Evaluations: Consider scheduling one or more health evaluations with qualified mental and physical health care providers. Sometimes, feelings of burnout and exhaustion might reflect underlying physiological or mental health conditions. Scheduling a checkup with your general physician or family doctor is a good start. They can help identify any physical issues that might be contributing to your fatigue. Additionally, consider seeking a mental health evaluation with a trained professional. Undiagnosed conditions like depression or anxiety can significantly impact your energy levels and overall well-being. Addressing these conditions with the help of a professional can be an important step toward recovering from deep burnout. 2. Engage in Deep Self-Evaluation and Reflection: Taking time for deep self-evaluation and reflection can help you examine and uncover possible root causes of your exhaustion. Reflect on your life circumstances and stressors. If you have trusted friends, family members, or a partner, consider talking to them about your feelings. They might provide valuable observations and support that offer insights into your experiences. Here are some questions to guide your self-reflection:
3. Find Moments of Stillness, Quiet, and Calm: Unplugging from distractions and finding moments of stillness can be incredibly restorative. Practices like mindfulness meditation, journaling, or simply sitting quietly can help you reconnect with yourself. Sometimes, stillness can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re coming out of a busy, stressful season. Be gentle with yourself and start with small doses, such as a few minutes of quiet time each day. You can gradually increase this time as you become more comfortable. 4. Review and Adjust Your Schedule: Conduct a detailed review of your schedule. Look for activities or meetings that you might remove to create more space for self-care. Consider proactively scheduling self-care activities, like a daily walk or relaxation time. This can help ensure that you prioritize your well-being, even when life gets busy. Additionally, look for opportunities to delegate tasks or say no to additional responsibilities. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it might be because you’re carrying so much on your own. Seek support from others who can help lighten your load. 5. Strengthen Emotional Support and Connections: Building emotional support and connections is very helpful during challenging times. Consider speaking with a counselor for professional guidance. Also, as much as possible, try to carve out time for the important people in your life. With people you can trust, consider opening up about your struggles instead of putting on a brave face. Emotional support from trusted people in your life can make a significant difference as you face difficult seasons. 6. Seek Opportunities for Fun, Joy, and Bliss: Consider how much space you’ve currently got available for fun and joy in your life. Burnout can be exacerbated by a lack of positive experiences and emotions. If at all possible, try to find small ways to bring laughter and joy into your day, whether through hobbies, social activities, or simple pleasures. When you do have these moments of joy, try to stay present in the moment instead of mentally checking out and worrying about your to-do list or other demands you’re facing. 7. Assess Your Season in Life: Life can feel overwhelming when we are straddling two different seasons of your life. Sometimes, we find ourselves carrying burdens or hurts from a past season, as well as from feeling stuck in our current one. This can be overwhelming, although sometimes there is a natural overlap across different seasons and stages in life. Make time for self-reflection and/or consider seeking support from a professional counselor to process past burdens so you can move forward in a healthy, positive way. Conclusion Facing extreme burnout can be isolating and lonely. It's important to be patient with yourself as you process your feelings, examine the causes, and work towards making changes. Seek support and take the necessary steps to address your burnout. With time and intention, you can move forward into a more peaceful and balanced future. Remember, healing takes time, and it's important to be kind to yourself throughout the process. By Christine Murray
When we’re considering or already moving into new chapters in life, big decisions often need to be made. Should you move to a new town? Take a new job? End a relationship, or deepen your commitment to one? These are just a few examples of the possible decisions that might come up when you’re on the brink of starting a new chapter. You may have heard the advice that it's wise not to make any major decisions after a significant change or loss in your life. For instance, after losing a loved one, it's often recommended to give yourself time before making big decisions like moving or selling your home. Similarly, after major changes like losing your job or going through a divorce, it’s generally helpful to allow yourself time to adjust before making any big changes. However, life isn't always neat and tidy, and sometimes we must make decisions even amidst emotional turmoil. Sometimes, some decisions are urgent and must be made quickly, even under less-than-ideal conditions. For example, if you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship or workplace, you may need to remove yourself from harm as soon as possible without having the luxury of time to fully process your emotions or create the ideal decision-making context. In these situations, do your best to weigh all the factors, set aside as much time as possible for processing your thoughts and feelings, and seek guidance from trusted sources to avoid making decisions in isolation. Be cautious of those who might not have your best interests at heart during such vulnerable times. It may be helpful to seek support from trusted sources and professionals, such as mental health therapists or counselors, and remember that crisis resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the 9-8-8 Lifeline are available. When you do have a little more time on your hands to make big decisions, even when heightened emotions are involved, aim to move forward in a way that promotes your mental health, nurtures healthy relationships, and moves you toward a brighter future. Below are a few of the ways that I’ve found helpful, both personally and professionally. Take Your Time When possible, permit yourself to take the time you need. Sometimes external pressures or your own discomfort with intense emotions might push you toward making a quick decision. While it can be tempting to act swiftly to resolve discomfort, remind yourself that it’s natural to need time to make major, complicated decisions. Set healthy boundaries with others as needed to give yourself space, and communicate your timeline with those involved. For example, you might say, "I'm working through this decision and expect to have clarity within the next six months (or whatever timeline makes sense to you). I’ll share my decision when I’m ready." This sets clear boundaries and allows you to make decisions at your own pace. Process Your Emotions Work on processing your emotions in healthy ways to make decisions from a calm, clear, and focused mindset. I’ve discussed the value of processing complex emotions during major transitions in previous posts on the Start Here blog. (For example, click here to read this past blog post about the mixed emotions that can arise during times of change.) Journaling, talking with a counselor or trusted loved one, practicing meditation, and getting physical exercise are all potentially helpful strategies for processing intense emotions. Also, pay attention to your feelings and what they might signal about your decision. Gather Information Seek as much information as possible to make an informed decision. This will look different depending on your specific situation, such as a job change, relationship change, or moving to a new city. In our digital age, we can connect with a wealth of information online, although it’s important to seek credible information from trusted sources. Read books, find credible online sources, take courses, listen to podcasts, and watch educational videos. Knowledge can help ease the anxiety and uncertainties that often accompany big decisions. Break Down the Decision Major decisions can feel overwhelming. Breaking really big decisions down into smaller, manageable parts can make the process less daunting. For example, if you’re facing a job change, consider just some of the following smaller decisions that might arise:
Breaking the decision into smaller parts allows you to tackle one aspect at a time, making the overall process more manageable. Create Space for Decision-Making Look for ways to create space in your decision-making process to make it as healthy and personalized as possible. Most major decisions are actually a series of smaller steps and choices that you can begin sorting out one at a time. For example, if you’re navigating a career change, focus on one aspect at a time, such as updating your resume, researching potential employers, or networking within your industry. Think of it like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, where the best approach is usually focusing on one section at a time. With puzzles, people often start with the edges or a distinctive part of the image and gradually piece the puzzle together. Eventually, the full picture will come into view, making the process more manageable. Conclusion Navigating big decisions during times of intense emotions can be challenging. I’ve been through seasons of my life where I faced significant decisions while managing intense emotions, and I know how vulnerable and uncomfortable it can feel. There are no easy answers, but giving yourself time, processing your emotions, and seeking guidance can help. As much as possible, focus on moving toward something positive rather than just running away from something negative. Taking your time to envision your future, process difficult emotions, and navigate your decisions in a patient, proactive, and intentional way pave the way toward healthier and more fulfilling decisions that you’ll feel good about over the long term. |
AuthorThis blog is written by Christine E. Murray, Ph.D., Founder of Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC. Archives
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