How to Approach Big Decisions During Times of Big Emotions

By Christine Murray

When we’re considering or already moving into new chapters in life, big decisions often need to be made. Should you move to a new town? Take a new job? End a relationship, or deepen your commitment to one? These are just a few examples of the possible decisions that might come up when you’re on the brink of starting a new chapter.

You may have heard the advice that it's wise not to make any major decisions after a significant change or loss in your life. For instance, after losing a loved one, it's often recommended to give yourself time before making big decisions like moving or selling your home. Similarly, after major changes like losing your job or going through a divorce, it’s generally helpful to allow yourself time to adjust before making any big changes.

However, life isn't always neat and tidy, and sometimes we must make decisions even amidst emotional turmoil. Sometimes, some decisions are urgent and must be made quickly, even under less-than-ideal conditions. For example, if you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship or workplace, you may need to remove yourself from harm as soon as possible without having the luxury of time to fully process your emotions or create the ideal decision-making context.

In these situations, do your best to weigh all the factors, set aside as much time as possible for processing your thoughts and feelings, and seek guidance from trusted sources to avoid making decisions in isolation. Be cautious of those who might not have your best interests at heart during such vulnerable times. It may be helpful to seek support from trusted sources and professionals, such as mental health therapists or counselors, and remember that crisis resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the 9-8-8 Lifeline are available.

When you do have a little more time on your hands to make big decisions, even when heightened emotions are involved, aim to move forward in a way that promotes your mental health, nurtures healthy relationships, and moves you toward a brighter future. Below are a few of the ways that I’ve found helpful, both personally and professionally.

Take Your Time

When possible, permit yourself to take the time you need. Sometimes external pressures or your own discomfort with intense emotions might push you toward making a quick decision. While it can be tempting to act swiftly to resolve discomfort, remind yourself that it’s natural to need time to make major, complicated decisions.

Set healthy boundaries with others as needed to give yourself space, and communicate your timeline with those involved. For example, you might say, "I'm working through this decision and expect to have clarity within the next six months (or whatever timeline makes sense to you). I’ll share my decision when I’m ready." This sets clear boundaries and allows you to make decisions at your own pace.

Process Your Emotions

Work on processing your emotions in healthy ways to make decisions from a calm, clear, and focused mindset. I’ve discussed the value of processing complex emotions during major transitions in previous posts on the Start Here blog. (For example, click here to read this past blog post about the mixed emotions that can arise during times of change.) Journaling, talking with a counselor or trusted loved one, practicing meditation, and getting physical exercise are all potentially helpful strategies for processing intense emotions. Also, pay attention to your feelings and what they might signal about your decision.

Gather Information

Seek as much information as possible to make an informed decision. This will look different depending on your specific situation, such as a job change, relationship change, or moving to a new city. In our digital age, we can connect with a wealth of information online, although it’s important to seek credible information from trusted sources. Read books, find credible online sources, take courses, listen to podcasts, and watch educational videos. Knowledge can help ease the anxiety and uncertainties that often accompany big decisions.

Break Down the Decision

Major decisions can feel overwhelming. Breaking really big decisions down into smaller, manageable parts can make the process less daunting. For example, if you’re facing a job change, consider just some of the following smaller decisions that might arise:

• Do you want to stay in your current geographic area or move?
• Are you looking for a similar job or considering a career change?
• Would you prefer a remote, hybrid, or on-site job?
• Do you need additional skills or education?
• How will you leverage your professional network or seek help from a recruiter?

Breaking the decision into smaller parts allows you to tackle one aspect at a time, making the overall process more manageable.

Create Space for Decision-Making

Look for ways to create space in your decision-making process to make it as healthy and personalized as possible. Most major decisions are actually a series of smaller steps and choices that you can begin sorting out one at a time. For example, if you’re navigating a career change, focus on one aspect at a time, such as updating your resume, researching potential employers, or networking within your industry.

Think of it like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, where the best approach is usually focusing on one section at a time. With puzzles, people often start with the edges or a distinctive part of the image and gradually piece the puzzle together. Eventually, the full picture will come into view, making the process more manageable.

Conclusion

Navigating big decisions during times of intense emotions can be challenging. I’ve been through seasons of my life where I faced significant decisions while managing intense emotions, and I know how vulnerable and uncomfortable it can feel. There are no easy answers, but giving yourself time, processing your emotions, and seeking guidance can help.

As much as possible, focus on moving toward something positive rather than just running away from something negative. Taking your time to envision your future, process difficult emotions, and navigate your decisions in a patient, proactive, and intentional way pave the way toward healthier and more fulfilling decisions that you’ll feel good about over the long term.