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By Christine Murray
A lot of personal growth and development often comes along with making big life changes. We enter into some of this personal growth voluntarily and enthusiastically, while at other times, we find we need to grow because we’re facing unexpected challenges that we realize we may need to change to be able to navigate effectively. When we’re in the midst of seasons that require a lot of personal growth, it’s natural to focus on continuing to find opportunities to learn, improve, build new skills, and gain deeper levels of personal insight. Personal growth seasons can be exciting, but they also can be very tiring and even frustrating, especially when we don’t take steps to balance our growth with heavy doses of self-acceptance, just as we are. Self-acceptance provides a solid foundation when we are pursuing personal development goals. Self-acceptance might look like using positive self-talk, practicing self-compassion, focusing on your strengths more than any perceived weaknesses, and surrounding yourself with people who support you just the way you are as they cheer you along toward your goals. Always remember that even when you have areas in which you’re growing, you are already perfectly awesome just the way you are. Remembering your strengths can help build your confidence as you pursue your goals. Self-acceptance helps us practice patience during prolonged changes. Personal growth can be a slow and complicated process, so it’s wise to practice self-acceptance along the way. Balancing personal development with self-acceptance might feel contradictory at times. You may wonder: How can I accept myself if I recognize there are parts of me that I want or need to change to fully step into the life I’m creating? One way to find this balance is by remembering that life–and all of the big changes it contains–is an evolving journey that unfolds over time. Change is a natural part of life, so learning and growing from one season to the next doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with you before. Instead, it means that you’re naturally evolving as you move through different stages of your life journey. As you move forward toward the changes and goals you’re pursuing now, remember to practice self-acceptance alongside any steps you’re taking toward personal growth and development. Be gentle and kind toward yourself along the way, and remember that others are on this same journey as well. Connect with other like-minded people to offer each other support and encouragement as you seek to find a positive balance between accepting yourself as you are right now, while also moving forward toward growth and change.
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 By Christine Murray
Transitioning into new chapters of life often brings a mix of emotions, including excitement for what's to come and nostalgia and sadness for what's being left behind. It's natural to experience grief, even when the change is positive or necessary. Today’s Start Here blog post explores the complexities of grief during life transitions and offers insights on how to care for yourself as you’re navigating the grieving process as you’re starting a new chapter and leaving another one behind. It might feel confusing if grief comes up during changes in life, especially if we’re happily moving into a new season in life or are glad to be leaving the last chapter behind. Sometimes, grieving for our last or current chapter can lead us to question if we’re making the right decisions to pursue a change. However, it’s natural for grief-related feelings to arise even if you were unhappy in your last chapter and are ready to leave it behind, as well as if you’re thrilled to be starting your next chapter and are looking forward to exciting changes ahead. There are at least two reasons why we may find ourselves grieving our prior chapter when we’re moving into the next one: First, we might be grieving the parts of the previous chapter that were positive for us. For example, you may have been unhappy with your last job, but perhaps you really valued the relationships you had with a few really close, positive coworkers, and you’re sad you’ll be less closely connected with them when you move into your next role. And second, even if we have very few parts of the last chapter that we’re sad to be leaving behind, we might be grieving the overall comfort and familiarity of our past as we step into the uncertainty of the unknown future. Sometimes, we may even have held onto the last chapter for longer than we would have liked because we were afraid to leave the familiarity of our current situation. A helpful concept to better understand the grieving that can come along with new changes in life is what’s known as ambivalent loss. Here's a definition of ambivalent loss from the Mayo Clinic: “Ambiguous loss is a person's profound sense of loss and sadness that is not associated with a death of a loved one. It can be a loss of emotional connection when a person's physical presence remains, or when that emotional connection remains but a physical connection is lost. Often, there isn't a sense of closure.” Ambivalent losses can be challenging to navigate due to the mixed feelings and conflicting emotions that arise related to the changes we’re facing. Acknowledging and processing grief is important for emotional well-being during transitions and the start of new chapters in life. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Create space and time for reflection, journaling, or seeking support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals. Understanding that grief is a natural response creates space for us to to practice self-compassion as we patiently navigate the complicated emotions that can arise. Embracing healthy coping mechanisms and connecting with others who've navigated similar transitions can provide valuable support and insights. Remember, honoring feelings of grief for the people, experiences, and things we may be leaving behind is important for processing the full emotional experiences that can come along with big changes in life. Note: Please visit our Other Resources Page for information on connecting with counseling services for added support while navigating through the grief that can come along with big changes in life.  By Christine Murray
A couple weeks ago, I wrote a Start Here blog post about my experience running the Pittsburgh Back Half Marathon in May, and that post focused on how important it is to find and focus on our cheerleaders in races and life. In today’s post, I’ll share some other insights I learned through my experiences with that race, but today I’ll focus more on the training that led up to the race than the actual race itself. The overall lesson reinforced for me during this training process was how important it is to do what’s right for us at any given moment. Let me explain… Run Your Own Race… First, the fact that I did a half marathon in Pittsburgh is significant because I originally signed up to do the full Pittsburgh Marathon this year. Doing the full marathon was really, really important to me because I’ve tried to do the full marathon in Pittsburgh twice before. Both times, I ended up having to do it virtually from North Carolina. (In 2020, the whole race was moved to virtual because of the pandemic, and then in 2022, I got COVID a few days before the race so I had to personally do the race virtually for that reason.) So, doing the full marathon in my beloved hometown of Pittsburgh has eluded me for several years, and initially, I was intent that 2024 would be my year! I registered for the full marathon soon after registration opened, and I started my official training program in early January to prepare for the race in May. I was able to get the miles in my training program done through about mid-March, but I realized that I was not feeling great during and after my training sessions. I was tired and moving so slowly that I didn’t think I’d be able to finish the full marathon in the 7-hour time limit. Life was happening at a fast pace–between my big career change, parenting, and everything else–and it was making it hard for me to train to the extent I’d need to feel good about doing the full marathon. And so, in the middle of March, I made the difficult decision to drop down to the half marathon and stop training for the full. As much as I was disappointed to make this change, I also felt relieved and knew it was the right move to make. My race this year just wasn’t meant to be a full 26.2 miles! At Your Own Pace To add to my original plan to do the full marathon, I also originally planned to walk the full 26.2 miles. I used to be an avid runner, but as I’ve gotten older, my body hasn’t felt great with running, so I’ve taken more to walking almost exclusively in the past couple of years. So, I was training to walk the Pittsburgh Marathon, and part of my mental preparation was to be okay with knowing I’d be moving a lot slower than most of the other racers out on the course. As a former runner, I knew that I’d have moments of wishing I was running and going faster than walking would allow. Since I’ve changed from mostly running to mostly walking, I’ve had to be intentional about feeling okay with going at a slower pace than I used to move. This shift hasn’t been easy at times, but as I trained for walking the Pittsburgh Marathon, I continued to remind myself that I just needed to go the pace that felt right for me. Even when I shifted to doing the half marathon, I still planned to walk the race. I walked during almost all of my training sessions. And up to the morning of the race, I was prepared to walk the back half of that course and feel at peace when runners passed me by. But a funny thing happened once the horn blew to announce the start of the race. I decided I’d jog for just a little bit at the start of the course so I could get out of the initial crowd and take advantage of the flattish sections of the course. Much to my surprise, even though I hadn’t jogged at all during my training, my body felt great at the jogging pace. So, I decided at least at the beginning of the 13.1 miles, I’d alternate between a couple minutes of jogging and a couple of minutes of walking and see how it goes. As the miles went on, I found that I continued to feel good jogging, so eventually, I ended up jogging almost the whole way during the latter miles of the course. By the time I crossed the finish line, I was amazed that I was able to run (and not walk) most of the race. My legs would be quite sore for the next several days after the race, but overall, I felt great and was happily surprised that they let me go at a much faster pace than I’d anticipated. Finish Line Reflections To make a long story short, my original plan for the Pittsburgh Marathon was to do a longer race at a slower pace. But what really happened was that I did a shorter race at a faster pace! My experience both training for and competing in this race was a powerful reminder of the importance of running (or walking, or even crawling when needed) our own race at our own pace. All of this should be based on our current needs and experiences at any given moment. I was reminded that it’s not helpful to compare myself to others who might be able to go further or faster than me. Not only that, but I need to avoid comparing myself to, well, myself. My past or future self might have a very different experience with a similar race, but what was most important was for me to take care of myself and do what I needed to at that time. Any time we’re starting or continuing on our various paths in life, it’s important to honor our needs and experiences in the moment, as well as to be gentle and patient with ourselves along the way!  By Christine Murray
Last week in the Start Here Blog, I talked about the importance of having cheerleaders in our corner as we face life’s challenges. Just as having cheerleaders along a race course can uplift and motivate us during a race, having a personal “Board of Advisors” can offer another valuable source of support in our journey through life's challenges and opportunities. While cheerleaders encourage and uplift our spirits, our advisors and mentors can offer ongoing, practical guidance and insights across a broader range of topics. They serve as trusted allies who offer unique perspectives, expertise, and constructive feedback to help us process complex decisions and emotions effectively. This is why so many businesses and nonprofits have formal advisory boards to offer guidance and input into big and small decisions. Together, both cheerleaders and advisors can offer a well-rounded support system that empowers us to thrive in all aspects of life, especially amidst big changes in life or at work. In my own life, I’ve tried to make a habit of seeking out guidance whenever I’m making big decisions, and my advisors and mentors have helped me a lot. Sometimes, they tell me things I don’t necessarily want to hear, but I’ve found that perspectives and guidance that challenge me are very helpful, even when it’s uncomfortable to hear. When setting out on new changes in life, a reliable support system can make all the difference. Instead of facing challenges alone, consider creating your own personal Board of Advisors (or whatever name for this group of people resonates with you, such as your Personal Support Team, your Sounding Board, or your Mentoring Team). Whatever you call this team of trusted individuals, they can serve as a valuable resource to help you navigate emotions and decisions as you venture into new experiences you haven’t faced before. Your personal Board of Advisors doesn’t necessarily have to be a formal group that meets regularly. Instead, think of it as a network of supportive voices that you can turn to for guidance and encouragement when needed. Here are some steps to build your personal advisory team:
Building a solid network of advisors, mentors, and guides helps you have access to a diverse range of perspectives and expertise to draw upon as you face new challenges and opportunities. Seek out supporters and advisors who have your best interests at heart, and remain open-minded toward the insights and guidance they have to offer you!  By Christine Murray
Last month, I ran the Pittsburgh Back Half Marathon, a unique race where the start line was the halfway point of the full Pittsburgh Marathon. The Pittsburgh Marathon's incredible spectators made the experience unforgettable. The crowd is electric. I'm convinced it's because Pittsburgh is such a big sports town that the spectators are experts in cheering on their hometown team, even if in this case, the hometown team is a massive crowd of runners! The spectators lined the streets and cheered for all of the race participants, most of whom were complete strangers, offering words of encouragement and support for the course ahead. As I ran along the miles and miles of spectator support, a thought crossed my mind: "What if everyone cheered each other on like this all the time?" What if, in life, we celebrated each other's journeys and successes with the same enthusiasm? The experience of having so many spectators cheering on my fellow runners and me was incredible for several reasons. First, it was so encouraging and uplifting to hear people saying things like, “You got this, runners! Stay strong!” The cheers also sometimes offered helpful information, such as when they were yelling, “This is the last big hill! It’s all downhill all the rest of the race!” Having such incredible crowd support helps racers feel seen. The spectators understood that we were in the middle of a challenging experience, and they were committed to doing what they could to help us have a great experience. And, of course, the awesome spectators also added some fun and laughter to the race experience. I saw signs referencing Barbie and Ken, another saying “Go random stranger!,” and even one that said, “I made a sign for you!” These fun and creative signs were a great reminder that while the race was challenging, it’s important to not take it too seriously! Whether during life’s challenges or an actual race, cheerleaders help us move forward feeling encouraged and supported. Of course, not everyone is cheering for us in life. But amidst the cheers, I was reminded of the importance of focusing on positivity and encouragement. Most of the time, when people aren’t cheering for us, it’s more about them than it is about us anyway. This week, I invite you to take a few moments to reflect on and appreciate those who have cheered you on during the challenges you’ve faced. If you haven’t found the right cheerleaders yet, keep looking and seek out connections that will offer your support. And, seek out opportunities to be a cheerleader for others as well. Chances are, the more encouragement that you offer to others, the more encouragement that will come back your way!  By Christine Murray I have a small obsession every spring in North Carolina: Pink dogwood tree blossoms! Every spring, I’m always on the lookout for pink dogwood blooms, and this past spring was no exception. I snapped this photo on one of my springtime walks when I found one along my path:  I have nothing against the more common white dogwood flowers, and I also took this picture in my neighborhood this spring:  I love it when all of the dogwood trees are in bloom, as this is always a sign of warmer temperatures ahead, but there’s just something extra special about the pink ones to me. I think I love them so much because they’re rarer than the white dogwood blossoms. I’d estimate that for every 20 or more white dogwood trees I see, I see one pink one. Something about the pink ones just calls my name, and I truly feel so much joy whenever I find one I can get close enough to admire and take a picture of!
I must confess, however, that I’ve not always been the type of person to allow myself to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life like spotting a favorite tree blooming in spring. Especially when times are busy–like the season of job transition and other life changes that I’ve been in the midst of for a while now–I’ve had a hard time finding the space to enjoy simple pleasures and stay present in the moment. And yet, it’s actually during the busiest seasons in life that it can be most important to practice mindfulness and to allow ourselves to enjoy simple joy amidst the busyness. Finding joy in simple things during busy times of transition is important because it can bring a sense of calm amid chaos. If you’re like me and find yourself having a hard time slowing down enough to enjoy simple moments, here are a few tips:
It’s June now, so pink dogwood season is already in the past here in North Carolina. I’ve had to look for other little sources of joy now, and I encourage you to do the same. Embracing moments of simple joy–even during really busy times–goes a long way toward fostering our mental health and keeping us grounded in the present moment. What simple joys might you seek out today? By Christine Murray As we’re getting closer to the official start of summer, we’ve taken this week at Start Here Counseling & Consulting to focus on how we can promote our mental health during the summertime. Below you’ll find tips to help you stay emotionally cool and grounded as the temperatures rise. Tip #1: Recognize and Process Intense Emotions that Can Come with Rising Temperatures As the heat of summer increases, it's common to experience heightened emotions. If you find yourself becoming more irritable, stressed, or experiencing mood swings due to the rising temperatures, know that this is a normal response. The stress of high temperatures can push our minds and bodies into overdrive as we work to stay cool and regulate our internal environment. This discomfort alone can contribute to feelings of irritability. To manage these emotions effectively, practice self-compassion and take steps to process your emotions in healthy ways. This can include expressing your feelings openly, perhaps through journaling, and finding constructive outlets for your emotions, such as talking about them with a counselor or trusted friend. Tip #2: Embrace Flexibility in Summer Schedule Changes During the summer months, life often becomes more unpredictable as schedules and routines shift. Whether it's people taking time off for vacations or children being out of school, these changes can bring both excitement and added challenges. Finding childcare, planning vacations, and managing all the related logistics can all add to our stress. However, these changes offer an opportunity to practice flexibility and self-care. Embrace the sometimes-unpredictable flow of summer by adapting to new schedules and routines, prioritizing self-care, and finding moments of relaxation amidst the busyness. Tip #3: Stay Present in the Moment During Summer Adventures Summer often offers opportunities for adventures, both big and small. Explore the sense of adventure that summer brings by trying out new activities and embracing spontaneity. Even on a budget, there are plenty of ways to enjoy adventures, such as exploring new hiking trails, treating yourself to a new ice cream flavor, or simply taking in the beauty of a sunrise. Let summer’s longer days and spirit of adventure inspire you to step outside your comfort zone, try new things, and learn more about yourself along the way. Tip #4: Prioritize Rest Alongside Summer Fun Amidst the excitement of summertime fun, be sure to prioritize rest for your well-being. With so much to explore and do, it's tempting to stay constantly on the go. However, remember that our bodies require adequate rest to recharge and stay healthy. Make time for restful activities like quality sleep, relaxation by a pool or body of water, and moments of mindfulness. Use these moments to be fully in the present moment, letting go of thoughts about upcoming tasks, to-do lists, and schedules. Balancing summer fun with rest ensures you can enjoy the season to its fullest while also caring for your mental and physical well-being. Tip #5: Practice Good Sleep Hygiene During Longer Summer Days With longer and sunnier days during summer, it's important to be proactive about maintaining good sleep habits. While the extended daylight can be enjoyable, it also has the potential to disrupt our natural sleep patterns. To promote high-quality sleep, stick to a consistent bedtime routine, wind down before sleep by limiting screen time, and aim to wake up around the same time each morning. These practices help regulate your body's sleep-wake cycle, ensuring you get the restorative rest needed to feel refreshed, both emotionally and physically. Cheers to an Amazing Summer Ahead! While summer can bring a sense of fun and lightness, it also can come with changes, disrupted routines, and hot temperatures that may affect our mental and emotional well-being. This week, we've explored tips to support mental health during this summer season. Here's to a summer full of adventure, moments of pure joy, and plenty of opportunities for rest and relaxation. Wishing you the best that this year’s summer season will be a time of growth, self-care, and meaningful experiences! Finding Your Way through the Maze of Counselors: Some Tips for Finding the Right Counselor for You6/3/2024  By Christine Murray
Whether the question comes from friends, neighbors, or colleagues, I’m often asked for recommendations on finding a counselor. I’m always happy to help when I can, and I’ve come to feel like this is sort of a matchmaking process, connecting individuals with a counselor that might be well-suited for them. Even though I provide counseling services myself, I also know that I’m not always going to be the right fit for all prospective clients who may reach out to me. I believe it’s important for each person to find the right counselor or therapist who can offer the unique approach and type of support that they need to fit their unique situation and circumstances. Finding a therapist or counselor can be complicated, especially now that there are known mental health professional shortages in many parts of the country. If you’re just getting started trying to navigate the maze of potential counselors to find some potential options that might work for you, I’ve pulled together some tips here to hone in on your needs and preferences, as well as a few steps to take to start your search. Identifying Your Preferences First, check out the list below to consider the type of therapist and treatment approaches that might resonate the most with you right now. (Keep in mind: Your needs for counseling can change over time. Preferences or needs you have now might be different than in the past, as well as down the road in the future!)
Searching for Options After you’ve taken some time to clarify what type of counselor would feel most helpful to you, given your current needs and preferences, here are a few steps you can take toward finding options for the right counselor for you at this stage of your life:
Conclusion Overall, finding the right counselor for you right now may take time and persistence, but it's important to prioritize your mental health and well-being and seek out the support you need. Reaching out for help is a courageous step toward growth, healing, and navigating life's challenges. Actually identifying the right support for you can feel confusing and overwhelming at times, but continue to take small steps forward toward seeking and connecting with a counselor with whom you can feel safe, supported, and trusting along your journey.  By Christine Murray This spring, I found myself on the sidelines of soccer fields quite often, cheering for my sons and their teams in their rec league games. I’ll confess I used to think soccer was a boring sport to watch since it’s typically quite low-scoring. However, as I’ve learned more and gotten more into soccer, I’ve come to love it, and I’ve already realized it is exciting in part because scores can come few and far between. Throughout this past spring season, one thing that stood out to me a lot was how many moments there were when a player, seemingly in a difficult position to score, would hear a chorus of "Shoot! Shot! Go for the goal!" from coaches, fans, and teammates. From my vantage point on the sidelines, shooting from far away, or from a bad angle, or with a swarm of defenders around the player with the ball seemed like a risky, unwise move. Why shoot if there’s very little chance of the ball going in? At some point during the season, the Wayne Gretzy quote, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take,” came to mind. And I realized that I was seeing this quote play out in action on the rec league soccer field. In life and in sports, you really can’t make the shots you don’t take. Sometimes, it’s best to take the shot and see what happens, even if success feels like a long shot. This idea resonated deeply, especially as I reflected on my focus with building Start Here Counseling & Consulting around supporting people and organizations navigate new changes in life and in their organizations. When we’re starting something new, we often strive for the perfect setup, waiting until we feel likely we’re in position for guaranteed success. And yet, we can learn something from taking seemingly-risky shots on the sports field: Sometimes, we just need to go for it, even when things don’t feel like they’re lined up perfectly. Sometimes, long shots surprise us and find the goal. And, waiting for a perfect moment may mean waiting indefinitely, missing out on potential successes along the way. Adopting a go-for-it mindset can fuel our journey when starting something new. Players and teams who hold back, waiting for ideal conditions, often find themselves lagging behind. The truth is, circumstances may not ever line up perfectly, and waiting for guaranteed success can lead to missed opportunities. I encourage you to consider the “shots” you might be holding back on taking toward your goals or other changes you’d like to see in your life. Embracing an approach to taking shots before all the conditions are perfect not only opens the door to potential success, but it also builds our resilience in facing disappointments. Just as soccer players learn to brush off missed goals and keep playing, we too can learn to navigate setbacks without losing sight of our goals. Finally, the game of soccer also reminds us of the importance of surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who cheer for your attempts, not just your outcomes. Whether it's joining a supportive community, leaning on close friends and family, or seeking guidance from professionals, having the right support can make all the difference as we move toward positive changes in our lives. Throughout this coming week, I encourage you to consider taking a shot at something you've been contemplating, even if it feels like a small step forward and you don’t feel totally ready. Embrace the journey, celebrate the attempts, and practice self-compassion regardless of the outcomes. Here's to taking the shots that lead us closer to our goals and dreams!   By Christine Murray There's nothing like starting something new in life to bring up lots of fears! Does this sound familiar: You’re starting on a new chapter, whether in your life or career, and suddenly you find your mind brimming with various fears that visit you throughout the day, and often throughout the night as well? It's entirely normal to experience a lot of fears when we’re on the brink of a new chapter in life. These fears can range from the fear of the unknown to fears of failure or success, fear of judgment, financial worries, decision-making anxiety, and unique personal fears specific to your situation. Acknowledging and addressing our fears is important, although it can be challenging. Our fears, by their nature, can bring up strong emotional reactions like worry, stress, sadness, and even discouragement. Fears can be uncomfortable and daunting to face, so it’s understandable when we are tempted to ignore or suppress them. However, managing and working through our fears is a key to avoid derailing our plans or hindering our progress toward our goals and desired changes in life. Although it's normal to want to appear (to ourselves and others) brave or to avoid our fears altogether, facing and processing them is a healthier approach. Our fears can actually be powerful tools if we learn to navigate them effectively. They can serve as inner guides, highlighting areas where we should be cautious and proactive as we move forward into the unknown. While fears can feel overwhelming, they often point us toward realistic concerns that we can use to help us make plans and backup plans as we strive toward our goals. One way to approach our fears when starting something new is by appreciating them as a form of guidance. Viewing fears as signals that prompt us to take precautions or consider alternative pathways can shift our perspective. We can strive to balance caution with courage, all while taking calculated risks and stepping outside our comfort zones as we remain mindful and proactive. Some helpful tools for processing fears in a healthy manner include the following:
Embracing fear as a guide rather than letting it overpower us can lead to healthier decision-making and progress as we’re moving into uncharted territories in our lives. By acknowledging, examining, and working through our fears, we can approach new beginnings with resilience and a balanced mindset, so we don’t allow our fears to derail us but instead to serve as a compass for growth and positive change.  |
AuthorThis blog is written by Christine E. Murray, Ph.D., Founder of Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC. Archives
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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material found at this web-site without express and written permission from this site’s owner is strictly prohibited. Unless or until a counselor/client relationship is established in writing, please note that the website for Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, is not a resource for providing personalized advice or guidance for any individual or organization, either through this website or any associated communication challenges that include but are not limited to social media, emails, or direct messages. Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, also is not a crisis response resource. Please visit our Other Resource page for additional information, including 24/7 support resources related to domestic violence and mental health.
Logo design: Eva Vienna Creative
Brand photography: Toni Walker Photography
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material found at this web-site without express and written permission from this site’s owner is strictly prohibited. Unless or until a counselor/client relationship is established in writing, please note that the website for Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, is not a resource for providing personalized advice or guidance for any individual or organization, either through this website or any associated communication challenges that include but are not limited to social media, emails, or direct messages. Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, also is not a crisis response resource. Please visit our Other Resource page for additional information, including 24/7 support resources related to domestic violence and mental health.