When You're Starting a New Chapter, It’s Natural to Grieve the Last One

By Christine Murray 

Transitioning into new chapters of life often brings a mix of emotions, including excitement for what's to come and nostalgia and sadness for what's being left behind. It's natural to experience grief, even when the change is positive or necessary. Today’s Start Here blog post explores the complexities of grief during life transitions and offers insights on how to care for yourself as you’re navigating the grieving process as you’re starting a new chapter and leaving another one behind.

It might feel confusing if grief comes up during changes in life, especially if we’re happily moving into a new season in life or are glad to be leaving the last chapter behind. Sometimes, grieving for our last or current chapter can lead us to question if we’re making the right decisions to pursue a change. However, it’s natural for grief-related feelings to arise even if you were unhappy in your last chapter and are ready to leave it behind, as well as if you’re thrilled to be starting your next chapter and are looking forward to exciting changes ahead. 

There are at least two reasons why we may find ourselves grieving our prior chapter when we’re moving into the next one:

First, we might be grieving the parts of the previous chapter that were positive for us. For example, you may have been unhappy with your last job, but perhaps you really valued the relationships you had with a few really close, positive coworkers, and you’re sad you’ll be less closely connected with them when you move into your next role.

And second, even if we have very few parts of the last chapter that we’re sad to be leaving behind, we might be grieving the overall comfort and familiarity of our past as we step into the uncertainty of the unknown future. Sometimes, we may even have held onto the last chapter for longer than we would have liked because we were afraid to leave the familiarity of our current situation. 

A helpful concept to better understand the grieving that can come along with new changes in life is what’s known as ambivalent loss. 

Here's a definition of ambivalent loss from the Mayo Clinic: “Ambiguous loss is a person's profound sense of loss and sadness that is not associated with a death of a loved one. It can be a loss of emotional connection when a person's physical presence remains, or when that emotional connection remains but a physical connection is lost. Often, there isn't a sense of closure.” 

Ambivalent losses can be challenging to navigate due to the mixed feelings and conflicting emotions that arise related to the changes we’re facing.

Acknowledging and processing grief is important for emotional well-being during transitions and the start of new chapters in life. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Create space and time for reflection, journaling, or seeking support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals.

Understanding that grief is a natural response creates space for us to to practice self-compassion as we patiently navigate the complicated emotions that can arise. Embracing healthy coping mechanisms and connecting with others who've navigated similar transitions can provide valuable support and insights. 

Remember, honoring feelings of grief for the people, experiences, and things we may be leaving behind is important for processing the full emotional experiences that can come along with big changes in life.  

Note: Please visit our Other Resources Page for information on connecting with counseling services for added support while navigating through the grief that can come along with big changes in life.