By Christine Murray Recently, I created an image similar to the one below and set it as my phone screensaver: The message, "Something amazing is about to happen," had started bouncing around in my mind, so I decided to place it where I'd frequently be reminded of this positive outlook. As I've mentioned before, I'm currently navigating some major “fresh starts” in my family and career, and these new beginnings in life can definitely add to a lot of uncertainty and stress.
If you’re like me, you may find yourself during seasons of change–or even just when facing everyday stressors–asking yourself, “What if…?” and then filling in the blank with any number of possible negative outcomes that might come along.
Negativity bias is a common cognitive bias that refers to a natural human tendency to focus more on negative information and possibilities than positive ones. While this bias can be helpful in the sense that it’s geared toward self-preservation, it can also hold us back, especially during new beginnings or challenges. If we get too overwhelmed by imagining possible negative outcomes, we may give up or not even try to move toward the positive changes we want to see in our lives. One valuable tool we can use when we start to face excessive stress and worry because we’re envisioning possible negative outcomes is to balance our thinking with positive possibilities. Instead of solely focusing on what could go wrong, we can ask ourselves:
Here are four tools to practice challenging our negativity bias and embracing positive possibilities:
Whether you're embarking on new beginnings or in a season of stability, building a mindset that creates space for imagining positive outcomes can enhance your resilience and overall well-being. Embracing the possibility of positive outcomes doesn't ignore challenges, but it can help you cultivate greater resilience and openness to embracing the positive things that may come your way, now or in the future. Above, I shared a positive “what if” statement that’s been on my mind lately: “Something amazing is about to happen.” If you have other examples of positive “what if” statements that are meaningful for you, I invite you to share them in the comments below!
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By Christine Murray Since 1949, May has been recognized as Mental Health Awareness Month. Throughout my own career in the mental health field (I started graduate school to become a counselor back in 2000), one of the most exciting advances I’ve seen has been greater awareness and decreased stigma around mental health issues. I believe the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated these advances, in large part because the challenges surrounding the pandemic made it harder to ignore how many people grapple with mental health symptoms. In addition, the stressors associated with isolation, economic challenges, and other pandemic-related factors contributed to mental health struggles for many people of all ages. Still today, we are facing a national mental health crisis in the United States (see this article from the Pew Charitable Trusts and this report from Mental Health America for more information). This mental health crisis is made even more serious due to shortages of qualified mental health professionals in many communities (see this report from The Commonwealth Fund and this summary document from the National Institute for Health Care Management for more information). These days, it seems mental health is a hot topic on the minds of individuals, families, communities, service provider organizations, and policymakers. The term mental health comes up frequently in news reports, social media, and in everyday conversations about how to best support people facing mental health struggles. And yet, how often do we (even those of us who are mental health professionals) take a step back and reflect on what “mental health” even means. Often, when people are talking about mental health, they’re actually referring to mental health symptoms or viewing mental health from more of a problem-focused lens. To offer some insights into what mental health actually means, in this post I’ll share some resources and information that I have shared with students and trainees who I’ve taught in the past graduate-level courses and professional development programs. Let’s start by looking at a few formal definitions of “mental health”:
Across the various definitions of mental health, we can see several common themes, which I’ve summarized in the graphic below that is adapted from a teaching resource I’ve shared with students in the past: I love looking at mental health through this comprehensive lens because it shows how mental health is a layered construct that impacts our well-being in different areas of our lives. So how is our mental health impacted when we experience mental health symptoms, such as anxiety, mood swings, or a loss of interest in normal activities? Well, it’s important to remember that mental health can be considered along a continuum, such as the following: As staff from the Mayo Clinic state, “What's the difference between normal mental health and mental disorders? Sometimes the answer is clear, but often the distinction isn't so obvious.” The lines between having sound mental health and experiencing a diagnosable condition is often quite blurry. Mental health symptoms can show up in different aspects of people’s lives, such as the following:
Similar to the graphic above depicting dimensions of mental health, below is another image I’ve adapted from past courses to show common elements of mental health disorders: I could talk about this topic for days, but I’ll start wrapping up this post here with a few final thoughts on defining mental health:
I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you’d define “mental health.” Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below or send me a message to share other mental health resources that have been useful for informing your own understanding of mental health. By Christine Murray
As I write this, I find myself in a state of transition with at least two major changes happening in my life. First, I’m making a major career move, preparing to retire after 19 years in my role as a university professor at a local state university. This shift marks the beginning of a new chapter in my professional journey that I’m very excited about, but also sad to be leaving behind many colleagues and parts of the work that I’ve enjoyed. And second, as mom to two teenage boys, I’m navigating a big upcoming transition as my older son starts to prepare to move away to college in the next year or so. The reality of college tours, SAT and ACT testing, and planning for his future is really sinking in. These life changes represent huge shifts in my life, and I feel all the feelings—including excitement, joy, pride, sadness, and fears—as I embrace these new beginnings. When I think about the positive parts of these changes, I get filled with excitement and anticipation. However, alongside these feelings, there’s also an undercurrent of grief to be leaving behind the current and soon-to-be-past stages of life. In addition to the mix of excitement and sadness, there are lots of other emotions, such as worries about finances, uncertainty about changes to the family dynamic, and more. I remind myself that it's okay and entirely normal to navigate a mix of conflicting emotions when facing new changes in life. In this post, I’m sharing some of my reflections on navigating these seemingly conflicting emotions. By sharing my experiences, I hope that readers can relate and also find greater peace in knowing how normal it is to face mixed feelings when facing new starts in life. Mixed feelings can show up in different ways at different times during seasons of change. Sometimes, complex emotions can feel like juggling an armful of basketballs, each representing a different feeling. Try and picture it: You’ve got your arms full with these big balls of emotions, with a mix that might include happiness, sadness, excitement, grief, and more. How do we even start to sort through all these feelings when they feel like so much to hold on to? When lots of feelings come up at once, we can’t always focus on feeling just one at a time, but instead we try to navigate our way through many feelings at once. This can be overwhelming and challenging, especially when trying to make sense of conflicting emotions like feeling happy and sad at the same time. When I’ve faced arm-full-of-basketball feeling moments, practicing self-compassion has been incredibly helpful for me. By practicing self-compassion, I allow myself to sit with all my emotions, processing them without judgment, and reminding myself it’s normal to sometimes be holding onto many "basketballs" at once. Through practicing self-compassion, I've learned I don't have to throw away challenging or complicated emotions to focus solely on the positive ones. While it can be tempting to quickly throw away difficult feelings and cling to positive ones, I've come to realize the value of embracing a full range of emotions. It's important to celebrate successes, excitement, and positivity, but it's equally necessary to give space for uncomfortable emotions to be processed and felt fully. Sometimes emotions feel like an armful of basketballs, and at other times they feel more like an overwhelming wave of one deep emotion at a time. Mixed emotions can also show up during seasons of change like waves of intense emotions, one at a time. At one moment, a thought or external signal (e.g., a song that comes up on the radio) can give rise to one intense feeling, such as if that song brings tears to your eyes as you think about something you’re giving up as you move on from a past season of life. And then in another moment, you may be hit with an intense rush of joy and excitement about something you’re really looking forward to in the new season. What's interesting when emotions come along in intense waves is that other feelings seem to take a backseat in these moments. It’s almost like there’s a bright spotlight shining on one set of emotions while the rest fade into the background for the moment. These emotional spotlight moments can give us an opportunity to really hone in on processing that part of our emotional experiences. Chances are, the other emotions will come back around again, but when you’ve got waves of one emotion, take time to process it in a healthy, meaningful way. We can be intentional in navigating complex emotions during seasons of change. It’s important to recognize if intense (and especially distressing) emotions become overwhelming and start interfering with our lives and relationships. Seeking support from a trained mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial in navigating mixed emotions during times of change. In the Other Resources section of this website, you can find databases to search for a mental health professional in your area who can provide support tailored to your unique needs and experiences. Remember, reaching out for help is a proactive, courageous step to take. Processing complex emotions during new beginnings often involves a lot of self-reflection and seeking support, whether through counseling or other personal supporters. Here are three of the main strategies I've personally found to be helpful:
Each person will have a unique set of coping and emotional processing tools that work best for them. What’s most important is finding what will work for you, recognizing that mixed emotions are a natural and healthy part of navigating change, and making space to process your feelings in a way that feels healthy and productive for you. Overall, if you're starting out on new beginnings in your life, it's normal to experience a mix of emotions. Some feelings are exhilarating, whereas others can feel quite uncomfortable. Seeking support from trusted professionals, friends, or family members can be immensely helpful as you navigate these emotions. And, on a personal level, embracing and processing the full range of emotions that comes with change can go a long way toward moving into a new season with clarity and purpose. I ♥️ Therapy: Reflections on the Value of Counseling (From a Counselor Who Has Also Been a Client)4/22/2024 By Christine Murray
About a month ago, I wrote a blog post here in which I shared my thoughts on the value of online therapy. After writing that post, I got to thinking about the bigger picture and wanted to share some reflections on the value of therapy in general–whether it’s online or in person. Therapy or counseling (I’ll use those terms interchangeably throughout this post) with a trained mental health professional can be incredibly valuable in navigating life's ups and downs, fostering lifelong personal development, promoting overall well-being, and expanding your self-awareness and growth. I write these thoughts from the perspective of someone who is both a licensed mental health professional and someone who has sought counseling as a client. Having experience in the client role has provided me with valuable insights into what it's like for clients. Did you know that some mental health professional training programs actually require graduate students to seek counseling as a client as part of their training? Although that was never a required part of my training experiences (either as a graduate student or a professor), I know that my own experiences as a client have benefited my life and helped me understand the overall value of counseling at a deeper level. As I reflect on the immense value of therapy in both my professional and personal life, here are five key benefits that highlight its impact on personal growth and well-being.
I’m sure you can tell: I am a huge fan of counseling! As someone who has been in the mental health field for over two decades, it’s truly thrilling to witness the growing acceptance and reduction of stigma associated with seeking counseling in today's world. More and more people are recognizing the value of seeking help from trained mental health professionals, and this positive shift is paving the way for greater well-being and personal growth. Overall, counseling is a valuable resource that supports growth, healing, and insight. I’ve witnessed its value throughout my career, as well as through my own personal experiences as a counseling client. While counseling certainly is not the only path to personal development, the therapeutic context it provides can be incredibly beneficial in living a fulfilling and aware life. How Lighthouses Remind Us to Keep Our Envisioned Future in Mind When We’re Just Starting Out4/15/2024 By Christine Murray A few weeks back, my son went on a middle school trip to the Outer Banks, and he shared this amazing picture of the Bodie Island lighthouse they visited on this trip. What a shot! I’ve always thought lighthouses have so much symbolic power. Seeing the photo from my son’s trip got me reflecting on how lighthouses are often beautiful to look at, but their main purpose is full of utilitarian value. If you’re the crew of a ship that is trying to find its destination, especially in the midst of stormy or turbulent conditions, the light provided by a lighthouse could be the one thing that guides you home.
The light of a lighthouse provides direction, clarity, and focus, even if your ship steers off course or needs to first navigate in a different direction before ultimately heading toward your destination. My counseling and consulting practice focuses on the theme of “start here” and aims to offer support as people and organizations start and follow through as they move toward changes they would like to see. So, this lighthouse picture was a reminder to me about the importance of keeping our desired future destination in mind, even when we are just starting out. As a long-time fan of Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of my favorite habits is #2: Begin with the End in Mind. A lighthouse is a powerful visual image of the principle behind the habit of beginning with the end in mind. Lighthouses remind us that we are more likely to reach our desired future when we have clear sight of that future vision guiding us along the way. When you’re setting out on bringing about some change in your life–personally or professionally–try to spend time at the beginning to build as clear of a vision as possible for what you hope to see in the future. You might do this by journaling, taking time for quiet contemplation, doing a vision board, or–if it’s a team-based work project–brainstorming alongside your team. Any time you can build a clear, compelling vision for your desired future, you can use that vision to help map your path along the way. But, let’s be honest: Sometimes (if not most of the time) in real life, we may be setting out on a new change and not be totally certain where it’s going to take us. I’ve experienced the confusion of new beginnings in different areas of my life, including my personal life and in my career. I’ve had times when I’ve sensed it was time for a change, but I didn’t know exactly where that would lead me. The feeling of needing change but now knowing what kind of change can be very disorienting! Even when we’re embarking on a new change, but aren’t sure exactly where it will lead us, the image of a lighthouse offers some comfort. When a ship is far off from the lighthouse, the lighthouse just looks like a faint light in the distance. The ship can move toward the light, without knowing exactly how the lighthouse is going to look when it gets up close. If your exact vision for the future isn’t yet clear, you can still think about your guiding light as your values, priorities, or even just the feeling you know you want to have in the future once you’ve made progress toward your desired changes. Chances are, you know at least some things that are highly important to you (e.g., that you want to feel at peace, that you hope your relationships are more harmonious, or that your organization is making a bigger impact). These values can serve as your personal lighthouse while you start making decisions and moves to get closer to bringing them to life. And, keep in mind that the clarity of the lighthouse that’s reflected in the photo from my son’s trip would only be possible once you get closer to your envisioned future. You can trust that, as you make meaningful steps toward the changes you’d like to start, your own vision of how those changes will turn out will become more clear. And PS - If you end up not liking the first lighthouse where you end up, remember there are lots of other lighthouses you can explore as well! Growth and change can be an ongoing process, and you can continue to keep sailing until you reach the future that feels just right for you. By Christine Murray Life often surprises us with beauty in the most unexpected places. As I sit down to write this blog post, I’m just getting back from a nice long walk. Since it’s springtime, walks these days can be extra pretty with all the new flowers in bloom. One section of my walk today took me by a little stream that was surrounded by lots and lots of bright yellow flowers. The flowers were so pretty I had to take a couple of pictures: Drawn in by their cheery petals and how many there were, I became curious to learn more about this flower, so I pulled up my Google app and did an image search. It turns out that this flower is called the “Fig Buttercup.” And as pretty as the Fig Buttercup looks, it turns out that it’s an invasive plan that has been described as “aggressive,” “a problem,” the “least wanted in the Duke Forest,” and especially complicated because it is “innocent-looking.” Yikes! Beauty can, indeed, be deceiving!
As a true nature lover, I hope that people will follow local guidelines to report sightings of this beautiful but problematic plant (in the Triangle region of North Carolina, there’s even a reporting system through iNaturalist that feeds into an interactive map of Fig Buttercup sightings!). At the same time, when I learned about the true nature of the Fig Buttercup, I couldn’t help but reflect on how sometimes we can find and appreciate beauty even in the unexpected situations and circumstances of life. I would guess almost every single person has experienced an unwanted circumstance in life. It may be a relationship breakup, job loss, unexpected family conflict, health crisis, or even just daily hassles like a traffic jam. I know I have had my fair share of unwanted circumstances in life! For some of these unwanted circumstances, there truly are no silver linings to find, and life can be very difficult at times. It would be toxic positivity to overlook the negative aspects of challenges in life or deny our emotional reactions to them. The Fig Buttercup is a reminder of this point as well - Invasive plants can cause a lot of problems if they’re not effectively managed. And yet, often we can identify some beautiful aspects, even in the midst of really challenging times. For example, going through a major life challenge might help you see more clearly the people who will stand by your side through thick and thin. Or, a painful, unwanted experience might be just the “last straw” you need to finally start to make a desired change in your life that you’ve been putting off for a long time. When facing difficult times, it can be helpful to embrace ambivalent, mixed feelings as they arise. For example, you might remind yourself, “This is really painful, and I also can see how it’s showing me how strong I am and how much I have support from really good friends in my life.” Likewise, we can embrace the reminder of the Fig Buttercup: “This plant can cause a lot of problems, and I can also smile and enjoy the pretty yellow colors for this moment.” So, if you happen to find yourself out walking this time of year, and a pretty but unwanted plant or weed catches your eye, consider taking a brief moment to appreciate the reminder of the beauty that sometimes can be found in even the most unwanted situations in life. Next time you encounter an unwanted situation, take a moment to look for the beauty within it. You might be surprised by what you find. By Christine Murray
As I’m in the midst of launching Start Here Counseling and Consulting, PLLC, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I wanted to set up both the counseling and the consulting aspects of the practice. I'll save more thoughts on the consulting side of the practice for other posts, but in this post, I’m sharing why I’m so excited to be focusing exclusively on offering virtual counseling, at least for now. When I graduated with my Master's degree in 2002, and then my doctoral degree in 2004, never would I have imagined some of the advances that have happened in the counseling field between then and now. Over two decades later, we've seen how technology has had some detrimental effects on people's mental health, especially when they use social media in ways that contribute to anxiety and feeling less-than in comparison to the seemingly-perfect lives of others. At the same time, new technologies have emerged that have truly revolutionized the delivery of mental health services and helped to break down barriers to access to mental health services in a way that I could never have imagined would be possible back when I was in graduate school and first entering the counseling profession. I still really believe in the value of in-person counseling. In my own life, I have sought counseling at different points in time, and I've experienced both in-person counseling services as a client, as well as online counseling services. I know that many clients still prefer and, in some cases, require in-person counseling support. The value of in-person counseling will never go away, because there can be so much value in sitting in the same room with somebody who is right across from and sharing space with you. And, some clients just are not comfortable with seeking counseling virtually. And so while I am embracing online counseling as my service delivery approach for Start Here Counseling and Consulting, I will never completely abandon my belief in the value of in-person counseling and services. While I deeply value traditional in-person counseling, there are many potential benefits of online therapy for clients. Here are some compelling reasons why virtual mental health services can be a game-changer for many clients:
Overall, online therapy offers many potential benefits that can empower clients to prioritize their mental health on their terms. The value of in-person services will never go away, and the best cast scenario is that clients will continue to have a lot of options for seeking services in ways that are meaningful, accessible, and responsive to their unique needs. The flexibility, accessibility, and personalized experience of virtual counseling can make it a valuable and impactful option for individuals seeking support and growth. If you're considering virtual counseling services, you’ll find a few additional links below to learn more:
By Christine Murray As someone who has always been super passionate about bridging gaps between research and practice–particularly related to mental health, abuse recovery, and healthy relationships–I've been grateful to be part of developing online educational resources with this focus. This has been a focus of my career in higher education, and it’s something I plan to continue as I retire from academia and move fully into working in the Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, practice later this year. To help make it as easy as possible for people to navigate the resources connected with Start Here, below I’ll share a glimpse into the four main platforms: Start Here social media, The Source for Survivors, the See the Triumph Campaign, and the Healthy Relationships Initiative. For each one, I’ll offer some background on the initiative, what you can expect to find there, and how to get connected.
In addition to these four platforms, I've been involved in various programs and initiatives throughout my career, and I’ll spotlight some of those from time to time across different platforms. I welcome your feedback and suggestions for enhancing our offerings across any of these resources! Thank you for joining me on this journey, and I look forward to continuing to build and share impactful resources through Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC and beyond.
By Christine Murray
Hi everyone! I'm Christine Murray, and I'm excited to welcome you to the Start Here Blog, where I'll be sharing insights, reflections, and updates on my counseling and consulting practice. Today marks the beginning of an exciting new development as I launch the blog for the Start Here website. As I start out on this new chapter in my career, I want to take a moment to share why I've chosen to focus my counseling and consulting practice around the theme of "Start Here." When I first started envisioning my practice, I spent a lot of time reflecting to find a name and concept that truly captured my vision. Through many brainstorming sessions, the theme of "Start Here" emerged as the perfect representation of what I hope to build. The "Start Here" theme applies to both counseling and consulting work. One of the key reasons behind choosing this theme is its relevance to both the counseling and consulting aspects of my work. I am deeply passionate about both of these areas of work. My passion for clinical work is renewed in the midst of the pressing mental health needs in today’s world. I am eager to dive more fully into clinical work, focusing primarily on working with clients who are survivors of trauma and abuse in intimate relationships and other types of relationships and settings. At the same time, my love for community-based work, which I’ve been fortunate to be a part of through a lot of independent consulting projects and university-based work over the past many years, remains unwavering. I am grateful for the opportunities I've had to collaborate with many impactful community organizations, including government agencies, educational organizations, and nonprofits. Integrating my dual passions for both counseling and consulting work into my practice was very important to me. So, "Start Here" felt like a fitting and meaningful title because the idea of starting points is one that can resonate at both a personal and organizational level. I love being part of the start of new things! One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years, especially in work contexts, is that I love being part of the startup phase of new projects and initiatives, and this was another reason that the “Start Here” idea struck a chord with me. Throughout my career, I’ve enjoyed opportunities to be a part of some really exciting and important community-based initiatives right from the beginning, and I just love the startup-phase energy. I get excited about all the creative energy that comes up with the start of something new, as well as the new opportunities and connections that emerge when different stakeholders come together to start building a new project, program, or initiative. I love seeing how the early seeds of a planning process come together over time! The "Start Here" theme reflects the new season I'm in for my career. The "Start Here" theme also holds a lot of personal significance for me, as it symbolizes the beginning of a new season in my professional career. After nearly two decades in academia, during which I’ve served as a faculty member and a research center director, I am transitioning this year into a brand new chapter of my career. While I cherish the experiences and relationships built during my time in academia, I am excited about the possibilities that lie ahead as I head in this new direction. In truth, my own personal season of entering into a new start phase of my career also has been a good reminder of how new starts can be a mix of joy and excitement, but also some sadness, fear, nervousness, and uncertainty. I’m walking away from the parts of academic life that I loved, especially teaching and community-engaged work and research. I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little fearful to be stepping away from the security of a tenured position into a new venture of entrepreneurship. "Start Here" is a reminder of the complexity of new beginnings. Because there’s usually some mixed feelings around the idea of starting a new change, the “Start Here” theme will also be an ongoing reminder to me of the complexities and uncertainties that my clients may be experiencing. Through my counseling and consulting work, I’m committed to supporting individuals and organizations navigate these transitions along the pathway toward positive changes and growth. If you go to the main homepage of this website, you’ll see that (at least for now), I’ve got a quote at the top of the page: Every day is an opportunity to start something new. I hope this quote will be a reminder to myself, as well as anyone who visits my site, that we all have opportunities to begin making the changes we would like to start moving toward. We can start right where we are and see where the journey takes us. And so today, I’m grateful to share this inaugural blog post with you, marking the start of this Start Here Counseling & Consulting practice. Your support means so much to me, and I look forward to the journey ahead. Thank you for being a part of this new phase of my career, and I hope you’ll stay connected for more updates and reflections on the Start Here blog! |
AuthorThis blog is written by Christine E. Murray, Ph.D., Founder of Start Here Counseling & Consulting, PLLC. ArchivesNo Archives Categories |