Navigating new beginnings means embracing a mix of emotions—excitement, joy, sadness, and fears. It's normal to feel them all.

By Christine Murray

As I write this, I find myself in a state of transition with at least two major changes happening in my life.

First, I’m making a major career move, preparing to retire after 19 years in my role as a university professor at a local state university. This shift marks the beginning of a new chapter in my professional journey that I’m very excited about, but also sad to be leaving behind many colleagues and parts of the work that I’ve enjoyed. 

And second, as mom to two teenage boys, I’m navigating a big upcoming transition as my older son starts to prepare to move away to college in the next year or so. The reality of college tours, SAT and ACT testing, and planning for his future is really sinking in.

These life changes represent huge shifts in my life, and I feel all the feelings—including excitement, joy, pride, sadness, and fears—as I embrace these new beginnings.

When I think about the positive parts of these changes, I get filled with excitement and anticipation. However, alongside these feelings, there’s also an undercurrent of grief to be leaving behind the current and soon-to-be-past stages of life. In addition to the mix of excitement and sadness, there are lots of other emotions, such as worries about finances, uncertainty about changes to the family dynamic, and more.

I remind myself that it's okay and entirely normal to navigate a mix of conflicting emotions when facing new changes in life. In this post, I’m sharing some of my reflections on navigating these seemingly conflicting emotions. By sharing my experiences, I hope that readers can relate and also find greater peace in knowing how normal it is to face mixed feelings when facing new starts in life. 

Mixed feelings can show up in different ways at different times during seasons of change. 

Sometimes, complex emotions can feel like juggling an armful of basketballs, each representing a different feeling. Try and picture it: You’ve got your arms full with these big balls of emotions, with a mix that might include happiness, sadness, excitement, grief, and more. How do we even start to sort through all these feelings when they feel like so much to hold on to?

When lots of feelings come up at once, we can’t always focus on feeling just one at a time, but instead we try to navigate our way through many feelings at once. This can be overwhelming and challenging, especially when trying to make sense of conflicting emotions like feeling happy and sad at the same time.

When I’ve faced arm-full-of-basketball feeling moments, practicing self-compassion has been incredibly helpful for me. By practicing self-compassion, I allow myself to sit with all my emotions, processing them without judgment, and reminding myself it’s normal to sometimes be holding onto many "basketballs" at once. Through practicing self-compassion, I've learned I don't have to throw away challenging or complicated emotions to focus solely on the positive ones.

While it can be tempting to quickly throw away difficult feelings and cling to positive ones, I've come to realize the value of embracing a full range of emotions. It's important to celebrate successes, excitement, and positivity, but it's equally necessary to give space for uncomfortable emotions to be processed and felt fully. 

Sometimes emotions feel like an armful of basketballs, and at other times they feel more like an overwhelming wave of one deep emotion at a time. Mixed emotions can also show up during seasons of change like waves of intense emotions, one at a time. 

At one moment, a thought or external signal (e.g., a song that comes up on the radio) can give rise to one intense feeling, such as if that song brings tears to your eyes as you think about something you’re giving up as you move on from a past season of life. 

And then in another moment, you may be hit with an intense rush of joy and excitement about something you’re really looking forward to in the new season. 

What's interesting when emotions come along in intense waves is that other feelings seem to take a backseat in these moments. It’s almost like there’s a bright spotlight shining on one set of emotions while the rest fade into the background for the moment. 

These emotional spotlight moments can give us an opportunity to really hone in on processing that part of our emotional experiences. Chances are, the other emotions will come back around again, but when you’ve got waves of one emotion, take time to process it in a healthy, meaningful way.

We can be intentional in navigating complex emotions during seasons of change.

It’s important to recognize if intense (and especially distressing) emotions become overwhelming and start interfering with our lives and relationships. Seeking support from a trained mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial in navigating mixed emotions during times of change. In the Other Resources section of this website, you can find databases to search for a mental health professional in your area who can provide support tailored to your unique needs and experiences. Remember, reaching out for help is a proactive, courageous step to take.

Processing complex emotions during new beginnings often involves a lot of self-reflection and seeking support, whether through counseling or other personal supporters. Here are three of the main strategies I've personally found to be helpful:

1. Journaling: Writing down our thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and serve as a way to process and release thoughts and feelings. 
2. Talking with Others: Open conversations with trusted friends or family members can be so valuable when navigating changes and the emotions around them. It can be especially helpful to connect with someone who has gone through similar changes or is currently facing a similar transition. Even small insights or shared experiences with others who’ve faced similar changes can offer a powerful sense of validation for our  emotions and reactions.
3. Giving Ourselves Permission to Feel all the Feelings: I consider myself to be a generally positive, optimistic person, and I used to struggle with acknowledging and processing uncomfortable emotions. However, learning to sit with my full range of feelings, sort through them, and give them the space they deserve has been a really valuable growing edge for me.

Each person will have a unique set of coping and emotional processing tools that work best for them. What’s most important is finding what will work for you, recognizing that mixed emotions are a natural and healthy part of navigating change, and making space to process your feelings in a way that feels healthy and productive for you. 

Overall, if you're starting out on new beginnings in your life, it's normal to experience a mix of emotions. Some feelings are exhilarating, whereas others can feel quite uncomfortable. Seeking support from trusted professionals, friends, or family members can be immensely helpful as you navigate these emotions. And, on a personal level, embracing and processing the full range of emotions that comes with change can go a long way toward moving into a new season with clarity and purpose.